Wednesday, 23 January 2019
At times, it can be hard for you to believe in yourself, especially if you have developed negative feelings, such as feeling like you have nothing to offer or are unworthy of things, only until you realize that the opposite can be true. If you are having trouble seeing and believing all of the amazing things you possess and all of the beautiful things you could offer to make this world a better place, there are simple things that you can do to start believing in yourself!
You can look at all of the things you have already accomplished and set goals for the future, you can make new friends, have good discussions, get fresh perspective of things, look for opportunities to use your skills, you can take good care of yourself to build your confidence back. Here are just 6 things you can do to move in the right direction to believing in yourself.
1) Make a list of your past achievements! - Writing out a list of your achievements will help you begin to believe in yourself. Sit down and make a list of all of the things that you feel you have done really well at during some point in your life. Include even the most minor activities, like putting together furniture from ikea or organizing a party for a friend or family member. After you’ve written a short list, try to find patterns in the activities. Identify what you have done well over and over again to understand your skills. As you identify the skills that helped you achieve those things, begin to list those skills in a second column. You can also make a list of stuff that you admire about yourself in a third column. For example, if you notice that you’ve been successful at caring for animals, this could mean that you are naturally a compassionate person so you can try to find more activities that will help you to use this skill, such as volunteering at a local animal shelter.
2) Talk to people who love you! - If you're having trouble seeing all of the wonderful things about yourself, you can always talk to someone who loves you. Sometimes we have difficulty seeing the best things about ourselves, but the people who love us will never struggle to see those things. Say something like, “Lately I have felt like I am not good at anything, but I am trying to move past that and identify my skills. What do you think I am good at?” Your close friends and family will answer and tell you the things that they think you are good at which maybe things you already knew but perhaps overlooked.
3) Find a cause that you believe in! - It can be hard to believe in yourself if you are always trying to please others. Make sure that you look for causes and projects that appeal to you and that you actually believe in. The passion that you feel for these causes and projects will help you to work harder and see how much you can achieve.
4) Set realistic goals! - Setting realistic goals will help you to believe in yourself and your ability to achieve things. Make sure that you develop goals that are in line with your skills and that are attainable. For example, if you have decided that you want to work towards a long-term goal of becoming a veterinary assistant because of your animal handling skills, start by setting a small attainable goal of applying to a veterinary assistant program. Once you achieve that goal, you can move on to another small, attainable goal that helps to get you closer to your long-term goal. Be prepared to go outside of your comfort zone now and then. Even though you are setting realistic goals, you might need to do things that you don’t normally do to achieve your goals. After you set a goal, work hard until you achieve it. Don’t abandon a goal because it becomes too difficult. If a goal seems too difficult, try breaking it into a series of smaller goals and focus on one at a time. Baby steps is key and as long as you are doing something each day to help move you forward, you will accomplish your goals.
5) Reflect at the end of each day! - Self-reflection is an important part of self-improvement. It helps you to look at what you are doing well and what you still need to work on. Take a few moments at the end of each day to reflect on your experiences. If you have a day where you don’t achieve as much as you hoped you would try to learn what you can from the situation to avoid repeating any mistakes you might have made. For example, if you can’t seem to get yourself up in the morning to go on a walk as planned, you may have learned that you have trouble getting motivated in the morning. Try setting multiple alarms, and maybe even place one of them a few feet away from your bed, so you have to get up and turn it off. Or, you could try to find a different time to take a walk, instead of forcing yourself to do it in the morning.
6) Be persistent! - Sometimes we feel like giving up because failure is a possibility, but it’s perfectly natural to struggle with something the first time you do it. Instead of blaming yourself for doing something wrong, give yourself permission to experiment without worrying about the consequences. Some of the most successful innovators have found that improvisation requires a sort of “playful” mindset as opposed to one that is fixated on a single goal.
I hope this post helps you start to believe in yourself more and would love to know your thoughts in the comments section below.
Friday, 18 January 2019
I would like to share with you 7 steps to feeling good enough now! These come from the book written by Barbara Rose entitled Being Enough Now and once applied in your own life can make for some extraordinary change!
1) Decide! - "This means deciding how you would like to feel about yourself and how you would like to view yourself. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Along with this is your decision as to the general direction you would like to live in this lifetime. You can stay stuck in one place or you can decide to move forward, only you can make the decision, nobody else can make it for you."
I love this first point because it's so important to make a decision and sticking to it. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be sad? Do you want to grow and expand or do you just want to stay in your comfort zone? Do you see someone who is worthy of having everything they desire or do you see failure? How do you want your life to go? With ease or hardship? Really think about these things and make a decision to be the best version of yourself from this day forward.
2) Commit! - "This means that you fully commit to your process. You are committed to bringing the best out in you!"
This is YOUR journey and yours alone so can you commit to yourself to having the best ride of your life?! Commit to investing in yourself and your health. Do whatever it takes to just make a commitment in your mind and stick to it. Things will get better for you once you make a commitment to your own growth and personal development. Read self-help books, ask questions about life - You will receive the answers and will be able to expand and grow in all areas.
3) Be Willing! - "This means to be willing to do whatever it takes with pure motives as you resolve to feel on an ongoing basis that your worth must be so much stronger than the complacent attitude that tempts you to just settle and feel less than worthy."
What can you be willing to do today that will help you move forward with confidence? Perhaps you can be willing to give coaching a go or perhaps you can be willing to just pick up that self-help book and start diving into it? Perhaps you can be willing to sit for 5 minutes every day and meditate. Just do whatever it takes and know that you are worthy of so much and more!
4) Let Go! - "What do you need to let go of? It is a time to let go of all the old conditioning that has caused you to view yourself as less than equal to the rest of the human race. Let go of concerns about the future. When moments of decision are facing you, remember to make your choices based on what you prefer and not based on someone else's plan for your life."
This is crucial for building self-confidence. Forgive yourself over and over and learn to just let go and allow the stream of well-being to take you! You always have a choice so you can either hold onto all of the negatives in your life or you can let them go. Let go of nasty people, let go of nasty limiting beliefs you may hold, let go of judgments made by you or others, let go of any stress and see it floating away. We are all one on this planet and are all equal, we also have our own preferences so let go of the things that weigh you down!
5) Follow! - "From this moment on for as long as you live, follow your deepest truth, follow through in actions that match your preferences. I cannot stress enough how crucial this is for you, for me and for everyone else on earth."
This is making a decision to being honest with who you truly are. You are a loving being and are so deserving of so much and more. When we are acting accordingly with our desires then our desires can make there way to us when we are allowing them to.
6) Wait! - "Show a greater amount of unconditional loving patience with yourself. You are in the process of transformation on one or several levels. Some areas take time to fully transform and some are transformed within seconds. Trust that as you go through life, the timing of events, meetings, opportunities and even announcing of sharing your plans can be more effective when done at one particular time as opposed to another. Go with the flow and remember, it is the process of your life and self expression that you are to be excited about instead of merely keeping busy with chasing after outcomes. Relax with patience as you enjoy this continually unfolding process."
This is a really great point made! Trust in your journey and have faith that all is well and all will be well!
7) Experience! - "You will discover that as you follow all of these steps, you will actually experience everything you decided to see manifest in your life. It is important to remember that what you create, imagine and follow through with is what is actually going to turn around the conditions of your life."
For more assistance in transforming your life, request your free "discovery" session today and learn some great techniques to gain more control of your life HERE.
Wednesday, 9 January 2019
How comfortable are you when it comes to expressing who you are? Do you even know who you are and what you are about? Are you living your truth, or are you living a lie? Do you stand up for what you believe in or do you sit on the fence and take a back seat? All of the answers to these questions are important when it comes to self-love and being confident with who you are as a person in a world where so many judgments are passed.
Some people go through their whole lives not realizing their full potential and are led by what society dictates to them. We are always told how to behave and whats appropriate or inappropriate from a young age. For example when we are told by our parents how they "think" we should behave or not behave, when to speak and when not to speak, when to do something or when not to do something. The same thing goes for when we are at school and being told the same things by our teachers. This is conditioning at its best and before we know it we can go through life not following our OWN TRUTH and path but just what everyone else expects of us!
I am not saying that all conditions put upon us have no purpose because when it comes to things such as being told not to put your head in the oven when you are a child, obviously means that there is a good reason for this, you will get burnt. There are many healthy conditions which keep us safe and are put upon us because people care about our well-being but at the same time there are also many unhealthy conditions put upon us such as always being told what to do and when to do it!
It's very common for people that have been brought up with strong conditioning to then expect people to conform to their opinions and conditions that were laid upon them, wanting people to "act" in the same ways they always have. This is evident in the saying that "history repeats itself" and unfortunately the people that may fall in this category, unless moving with the times, can be stuck in their "old" ways, habits and strong conditioning.
This is not to be said that people can't change or become more open minded and allowing, as we all have a choice when it comes to expressing ourselves and learning new ways of being without judging or making harsh critiques based on their past conditions.
How can we expect to learn Self-Love or have a healthy respect for our own wants and needs when we are being told by everyone else how to live our life?
I believe that we are who we express ourselves to be on a daily basis, moment by moment based on either the conditions put upon us from childhood or from a place of knowing what it is we want and how we want to live our own life, making conscious choices. We always get out of life what we project and we have a choice with who we want to be in any given moment.
There are many examples, but here are just a few. Are you perhaps....
Introvert or Extrovert?
Reserved or Opinionated?
Grateful or Ungrateful?
Optimistic or Pessimistic?
Angry or Calm?
Stable or Insecure?
Grounded or Unsettled?
Happy or Sad?
Kind or Unkind?
Positive or Negative?
Realistic or Unrealistic?
There is a whole spectrum of feelings and qualities somebody can express, so without making yourself wrong, can you identify the kind of person you are today or where you feel you've been conditioned? Do you like who you are and what you have become? Are there any qualities or attributes you would like to express more or less of? Are you scared of being who you really are through fear of judgement or resentment? Are you proud of who you are?
There have been many times in my life growing up when I wasn't able to express myself because I was too worried about what others might think of me. I would think things such as, "If I say or do that then I am going to be wrong." or "Are they going to think badly of me?" or "Will they think I am a failure?" or "I am just so stupid!"... the list could go on...
I had it drilled into me that kids should be seen and not heard! Have you ever heard this phrase or been told it yourself? The damage this saying had resulted in my low-self esteem, no confidence, not being known if it was OK to speak out, very withdrawn and unsociable but what I have learned is to no longer blame those who said it to me because I am at the awareness that they had their own upbringing and conditions put upon them. They didn't know any better and probably had it said to them when they were younger. This makes it easier to release and let go of any blame and judgement so I can be who I truly want to be now.
What I have learned through hiding is that it just results in not being able to be true to myself and who I really am deep down. This is such a confidence killer because we are all meant to stand out and be heard! We should all be allowed to be who we want to be without having people judge us and the decisions and choices we make for ourselves. This is OUR OWN life experience and we should be able to make the best of it in any way we choose to express it in. We should be proud and able to stand up and be counted. Remember, EVERYONE IS UNIQUE and has a purpose here.
Why shouldn't you be able to express who you really are? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do in this life? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to experience this life with? These are all choices that we can make for ourselves to be able to live an extraordinary life.
Does it really matter what other people think of you? If someone is judging you or criticizing the way you behave and act, then they have probably experienced the same themselves and have been judged somewhere along the way. Can you accept who you are and who you are becoming?
Here are some tips for being able to express yourself fully and to be confident in who you are:
1) Make a list of all of your positive qualities, go within and be honest with yourself.
2) List out any qualities or attributes you would like to express more of.
3) Accept yourself on a deeper level and accept that it's OK to be YOU!
4) Let go of any judgments made about you, they are after all only other peoples opinions.
5) Forgive yourself if you have made any personal judgments and made yourself "wrong."
6) Be YOU unapologetically because you are amazing!
7) CHOOSE to focus on the positives and don't dwell on the negatives.
8) Imagine just how better your life can be by choosing UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!
Last but not least, choose freedom & release yourself from any fears you may have about who you are and start caring more about yourself than what other people think!
JUST BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AND OWN IT!
Monday, 7 January 2019
Do you always compare yourself to others? Do you own your own worth in this world or give away your power to negative thinking and others by comparing?
Each and everyone of us on this planet are UNIQUE and DIFFERENT. If we were all the same, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't you agree? We have diversity but are still all connected as ONE. What I mean by this is, we all have a place here and are here on purpose or else you wouldn't be here. You might just not have found out your purpose for being here so I want to address this issue of comparing because I know comparing ourselves to others is not healthy and is definitely not having a healthy love and respect for yourself and who you are as an individual. This can be detrimental to our own self-esteem and self-confidence building or lack of.
I used to compare myself greatly to others and it led to a miserable life! I used to think things like;
"They are better than me!"
"They are more wealthy than me!"
"They are much fitter than me!"
"They are better looking than me!"
"Why cant I be that happy!"
"I wish I could be more like them!"
"Why am I so different to them?"
"They are more confident than me!"
"Why am I not normal?"
All of these things going around and around in my mind, and what would happen? It filled my body with negative feelings about myself. I would wake up every day feeling the same thing. Nothing was changing accept for more personal pain and negative experiences.
And the thing about negativity is it breeds more negativity and the same goes for positivity, breeding more positivity. So can you see why it's crucially important to start feeling good about yourself and forgetting what everyone else around you is like or doing?
This is where you are going to change your mind about a few things and stop comparing.
Firstly, list out all the positive things you have and know to say about yourself. Even small things such as;
"I can have a kind heart!"
"I can be a friendly person!"
"I can be healthy!"
"I can be happy!"
"I can be a good person!"
"I can be a loyal person!"
"I can be a good listener!"
"I can be loving!"
"I can be trustworthy!"
"I am who I am and its OK!"
It can be absolutely anything, as long as its positive and FEELS GOOD TO YOU!
When you have finished your list of at least 10 things! Yep, I said it 10 things! Read them back to yourself and connect with the positive feelings they bring about in your body. If you want to write more then excellent, keep writing them down!
Doing this exercise will help you to start thinking of yourself in a more positive light. Remember: POSITIVITY BREEDS MORE POSITIVITY! And guaranteeing a more positive outlook. What we think and feel always comes back to us which is why we have to be mindful of the things we tell ourselves on a daily basis.
The thing is, you already are everything you wish to be, you just have to flip the mental switch and allow yourself to be and possess those qualities you are seeking from others.
You are AMAZING!
You are PHENOMENAL!
You are UNIQUE!
You are YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND or YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY and we all have the CHOICE to choose how we feel about ourselves because our opinions are all that matter as they are in our heads and nobody else's. We can get in control of them by repeating daily our positive qualities without seeking approval from anyone else. That's where our power is and that's how we can claim that power back!
What are the new stories you will tell yourself from now on? I would love to know in the comments section below! List out 5 things that you know to be true of who you are.
Have fun with owning who you are and who you are becoming in this world because looking after yourself is the most important part of your own personal growth and development. Unfortunately we are taught in school to compete and compare but deep down there is no competition, only collaboration so embrace yourself and start living more on purpose and be the best you yet!
I look forward to hearing all your wonderful qualities and lets celebrate them together!
Sunday, 6 January 2019
When you are presented with a request or comment either from your spouse, friends, family, or colleagues, how do you know when the best time is to either say "Yes" or "No?"
"Do you want to do this?"
"Do you want to do that?"
"Can you do this for me?"
"Can you do that for me?"
"Will you do this?"
"Will you do that?"
"I need you to do this..."
"I need you to do that..."
And I am sure the list could go on with many more requests...
What I have found though is sometimes if we are not confident in ourselves, we tend to go into people pleasing mode and you might end up saying "Yes" a lot but deep down wish you had of said "No". Then you later regret your decision by saying "Yes" in the first place.
This post is going to help you decide and build confidence around saying "Yes" or "No" at the right times for a more satisfying outcome, without feeling guilty!
A lot of people tend to feel guilty if they say "No" to someone and this leaves them feeling deflated and having thoughts such as people not accepting them and their decisions which makes them very selfish in an unhealthy manner. But by feeling guilt puts you straight back into a people pleasing mode and you wont be taking care of your needs, but others first instead.
As the saying goes which I am sure you have heard is; If you cant look after yourself first, then how can you expect to look after anyone else?" A great analogy of this is when you think of being on an aeroplane and the oxygen masks come down, you are told to put yours on first because if you didn't then you would die and wouldn't be able to help anyone else. Nobody is of any use dead!
This is very similar to the saying that if you cant love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? We have to take care of ourselves and be selfish for a more peaceful life! But...
My answer would be "Yes" most of the time growing up. Yes to my friends, Yes to my family, Yes to my colleagues, Yes to pretty much anything, even if I didn't want to do what was being asked of me because I thought it would be the only way for people to like and accept me.
I used to think that if I said "No" then I would be going against everyone and would end up hurting peoples feelings. But instead, what happened to me saying "Yes" all the time? My feelings were getting hurt! Nobody else's unless of course whatever was being asked of me wasn't done right by myself and so I didn't want to feel rejected right? I wanted to fit in.
Perhaps you can relate to this where you are just so desperate to fit in to society but not sure how to handle different pressures from different demands, opportunities, requests, and so on? You just end up going along for the sake of going along sake, getting nowhere and nothing in return apart from wishing you were more confident and strong and able to say "No" occasionally for your own health and peace of mind.
I mean is it really weak to say "NO"?
NO of course it's not! It turns out its actually a really good thing to say "NO" from time to time for a healthier peace of mind and to recharge your own batteries.
I learned after a short while of becoming more independent that I could say "NO" and it be OK!
What happened when I started putting my foot down and getting more selfish?...
People stopped demanding and asking a lot of me...
People left me alone for awhile and stopped pushing...
Life was becoming less stressful not having to keep up with all the high demands...
I was gaining more confidence in my self and started respecting myself more...
I was able to look after myself first which led me to help more productively...
My self-esteem was growing and I wasn't scared of rejection...
More positive doors and opportunities would open up...
I had more time for ME to do what I wanted, when I wanted to do them...
Ok, so here's how you determine whether something is good for you or not when answering peoples requests or comments. Listen to your self and learn by your feelings.
If it FEELS good then say "YES"
If it FEELS bad then say "NO"
You can always tell inside your body when something doesn't feel right because you might have thoughts such as;
"This doesn't feel right."
"I don't feel like doing this."
"I don't need to do this."
"I don't want to do this."
Ask yourself the question; "How do I feel about this?" And your feelings will show you what you are thinking so you may feel drained at the thought of doing something or you may feel that its not right for you at this particular time. So you will know your answer.
And the same goes for when something feels good because you will have thoughts such as;
"Yes, I want to do this."
"Yes, I am up for that."
"This sounds like fun."
"I will get a lot from this."
Again asking yourself the question; "How do I feel about this?" and then checking in with your feelings. They will manifest as exciting thoughts and you will just know by the way you feel that its OK to say "Yes!"
The last point I want to make is this. If you feel that you are a people pleaser and somebody that cant say "No" because of feeling guilty, try baby steps and start saying "No" differently. For example, if someone asks you to do something but your feeling that its not something you really want to do, try saying "No" in a different way, such as "Can I do this later?" Or "Does this have to be done right away?" or "Can I think about it and get back to you."
Remember its not what you say, it is how you say it! But don't ignore your feelings to spare others! If you want to do something then great, go ahead and do it! But if you don't want to do something then listen to your own advice and remember to take care of your self.
If you receive negative feedback after saying "No" to someone then just remember they're selfish too because they're expecting you to be different and to ignore your true feelings.
If people cant accept your decisions and opinions then it says more about them than it does you!
Keep it real and trust your inner voice and feelings.
I hope this post helps. If you have any questions or would just like to leave some feedback, they would be much appreciated.
Bye for now and remember, Get Confident And Be Selfish!
Friday, 4 January 2019
I have created this blog so I can share with my readers the importance of Self Love and why having a healthy appreciation for one's self leads to a more fulfilling life, by being selfish.
Yep, I said it! Selfish! How does that word make you feel???
The thing is, I have been called "Selfish" in the past and have taken it personally. Why? Because it doesn't feel good to be known as "The Selfish One" and in my past it brought up lots of negative feelings and thoughts for me personally...
For an example, when I was 15 years old I was a glorified babysitter for my older sister and if I didn't conform and adhere to her requests then I would be called "Selfish," and would have things brought back up in my face regarding all "she used to do for me," because I wasn't doing what she wanted me to do all the time. Which makes her sound very selfish, would you not agree? But surely its not healthy to expect someone to do something in return for their love and support on a conditional basis.
Naturally at this age it made me want to rebel!
I used to have thoughts such as...
"Why does she think I am so bad and is attacking me?"
"What have I done so wrong to make her feel that way?"
"Why cant I do what I want, when I want to do it?"
"Am I such a bad person for wanting to do my own thing?"
"I do a lot for her so why cant she give me a break?"
And of course this made me feel like I had no choice but to please others before myself. This resulted with me just going along and doing things that didn't make me happy or fulfilled. I was expected to conform just to please others for their own self gratification which left me feeling dissatisfied and lost in the world.
The implications of course by pleasing others first can result in low-self esteem, no confidence, depression, anxiety, poor self-worth, inferiority, insecurity, being misunderstood and not accepted. The list could quite easily go on. I know because I have felt all of these feelings growing up in a dysfunctional family not being heard and not being able to stand up for myself.
We should all be allowed the permission to be who we want to be, and stand up for what we choose to stand up for. We all have a voice and we all have our own opinions and just because someone doesn't agree with our opinions or voice, we shouldn't allow others to bring us down or make us feel less than worthy of living a fulfilled and happy life by being selfish because of something they choose to disagree with.
When I am talking about being "Selfish," I am meaning this as a positive and healthy respect for one's own life and self, because all the time we are "people pleasing" we are in fact giving away our power which then manifests as feeling controlled by others, so we end up not taking charge of our own destiny but putting the power in their hands to steer our own personal life experiences.
Is it not time now to get more confident by being selfish?
I would love to know what you think and feel about the word "Selfish" as it can be perceived in many different ways. Comment below and lets have a discussion or message me if you want to change some beliefs around this word itself so that it has a positive effect in your life.
Bye for now, chat soon and remember to Get Confident By Being Selfish!
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